Joanne just left again... more fluids and showed me how to syringe baby food into him to at least get some nourishment in him. She had mentioned Hills AD that you could get at an animal clinic, but it's over a dollar a can, and for as much as he would need until this is over with, baby food will have to do. Thank God for her... she is such a blessings.

I totally lost it last night. It just seemed like I was losing him... like he was more than ready to leave for the Bridge. I cried like a baby the entire time I was chatting with Debs, and almost broke down again when I was talking to Roberta. Thank God I have friends (like all of you) who understand what I (we) are going through.

Last night I couldn't get him to drink anything, and food was just out of the question, so of course with no food in him, I couldn't give him his insulin, and that scared me even more. I called Joanne at 9:30, and she told me since she had given him the fluids earlier he may not feel the thirst. She said ideally he should be in the hospital, and she was so sweet, she said if she had the money, she would give it to me to put him in there so he can be supervised and have the iv in him the entire time. But... she doesn't have that kind of money either (after all, she's a very small practice and barely makes it for herself). She told me just to let him rest and to start giving him the insulin this morning whether he eats or not. So that's what I did.

It was like pulling teeth to even get him up this morning. The only way I could get a rise out of him was to knock on the door and say "Hellloooo?". Thank God that worked. I couldn't get him to go out at all or eat or drink, but I did manage to put the leash on him and drag him far enough away from behind the couch to give him his shot. Then I tried to spoon feed him with a plastic spoon with a little baby food. He didn't get much in him... maybe one teaspoon full which is far from enough. When she came over with the syringe, she managed to get an entire bottle of food in him... I was so very grateful. She said it's like priming a pump... if he hasn't eaten, he won't feel hungry, so maybe this will help get his juices stirring. I'm to give him another bottle later this afternoon and increase his insulin from 5 units to 8 units. When she comes over tomorrow, she's going to check his glucose level again.

Also... when she came over, and he heard someone at the door, he did come out from behind the couch, and (with a lot of help from her) he managed to get outside to get a little fresh air and get some blood circulating. He was so weak that it was hard for him to get out. You could tell he was wobbly, but he did it. We took the leash off him when he was out there, and he just stood there staring at us like "hey, I want to go back to sleep"... but he tried to pee a couple of times (nothing much came out) and finally worked his way back into the house.

I'm so down and scared about all of this. Last night, I was almost sure he wasn't going to make it through the night. When I talked to Joanne (or cried to her is more like it), I asked her if she thought this would work or is it the end... she said, "he's just been diagnosed... let's give it a little time". Today she said we should keep up treatment and see how he is in a week... it could take that long... but if it doesn't work, then we'll have to talk about the "alternative". OMG... I hate seeing him like this. I want to do everything I can to save him and make him feel better, but we're doing all we can... I just pray it's enough. I have to prepare myself though, because the way it looks now, he may not even wait for "me" to make the decision... he might just make it himself.


Cindy said...

OMG Jo, I am just stunned by all that is happening.
Justice has Cushings, but we pray it's iatrogenic (medicine induced by the steroids).He has such thinned out hair and was drinking like crazy (crying if the water bowl was empty. He is off steroids now.
My huge worry was that he was diabetic too. Thank God his glucose was fine, and FINALLY his Cushings symptoms seem to be resolving.
Last week, the cardio has found Tuck has COPD (chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease) and may want Tuck on steroids-but my biggest fear is what u are going thru. I am scared abt diabetes and Cushings.
I wish I could take Mike's pain and ur fears away. I would if I could-I really would. U are going thru a nightmare I was having.
I am soooo glad u found insulin at a reduced cost. Mine is abt $100.

Hang on to ur faith. I wish I could help somehow.
I am so sorry u and Mike are going through this.

Please keep us updated.

Love and hugs,
Cindy

Oh Cindy... You have so many worries of your own, and yet you carry ours on your shoulders too. I feel so bad about the boys (Justice and Tucker) and everything they're going through... and you've been going through so much for such a long time. Plus the fact that your own health isn't that great. How I wish everyone could just be healthy and happy and enjoying every minute.
I don't think Mike has Cushings (of course tests aren't in yet) because he hasn't had any hair loss (except his two back feet, and she said he would have loss over much more of his body if it were Cushings), plus the excessive water consumption totally stopped two days ago (that's killing me... afraid he's going to die of thirst, but with the fluids, she said he should be ok and not to worry about his drinking for right now). The drinking was more from the diabetes than (she thinks) Cushings.

Give those beautiful babies some extra hugs from Auntie Jo and tell them how much I love them.

And to everyone who reads this... thank you all so much for caring about my boy. I ask that you continue to send up prayers for him, because if this treatment doesn't work within a week or so, he's probably going to have to leave me... oh God.. I HATE THIS FEELING... but he's been with me so much longer than was predicted. Who would ever have thought that diabetes would take over the cancer?

God Bless You All
Love, Blessings, Hugs and Nose Kisses
Joanna, Mike & Gidget


April 14, 2009 9:43 PM