SECOND POST OF THE DAY

It's over. My boy has left for the Bridge. My heart is breaking, and I feel like it's never going to be the same.

When Joanne called this morning at 9:15, she explained to me that "yes" the beginning of Cushings was there, but both that and the diabetes would be treatable. However, with the condition that he was in, and the fact that his Ketones level was so high (which was forcing his body to feed off of itself), and the level of diabetes he was in, would eventually have caused severe pancreatitis which would have been very painful. I just couldn't let him go through that.

After I got off the phone with her (except for the time it took to make my first post here), I spent every minute with him on the floor next to the bed just talking to him, loving him, brushing him and letting him know how much everyone loved him. I told him I knew how horrible he felt and that he was telling me he had had enough. The poor guy had no energy at all to even move. However, he did pick his head up a couple of times to look at me, like he understood everything I was saying.

He hadn't even gone outside since yesterday when Joanne was here... no energy at all, and I was so grateful that he had his diaper on so I didn't have to try to force him out... he never would have made it. I don't remember if I mentioned it in the previous post, but last night, I tried to drag him out from behind the couch so I could at least feed him. I was only able to get so far with him, so I squeezed myself between the couch and him and was able to force a bottle of baby food in him with a syringe, and then was able to give him the insulin. That was probably the only thing that kept him alive until this morning.

Also, when I woke up this morning, I heard him snoring. I "thought" that was a good sign, until I realized it wasn't snoring but instead, when he woke up (even though he wasn't moving) it was a rattling in his chest. Joanne verified that he was probably in the first stages of pneumonia as well.

I called my daughter to see if she would come over around 12:30 (since Joanne would be here around 1:00), and she did... she also brought Mike 2 cheeseburgers from McDonalds. I was elated when (even though they were in tiny, tiny bits), he ate them both... not the bread or cheese, but he hate the meat. It made me feel as though this was his Last Supper, and I was thrilled that he wouldn't be leaving me with an empty stomach. (Boy the things you think of at times like this).

Since it would have been very painful to get him out of the bedroom and in the living room, I asked Joanne if I moved the bed, if she could do "it" in the bedroom. She said yes, which made me very happy. It would have been difficult to do it on the floor since the space (even with the bed was limited), so I carefully picked him up and put him on his blanket on my bed. He was so weak, he didn't even argue about being picked up. Connie (the vet tech) was so wonderful about getting the iv in quickly and painlessly, he didn't even notice it, and since he was so weak anyway, there was no need for a sedative. Once the iv was set, Joanne asked me if I was "ready".......... hell no... I wasn't ready... but I knew Mike was. Michelle gave him the last bite of hamburger, and then I turned his head toward me and we looked in each others eyes. Again, telling him how much I loved him and would miss him, I told her to go ahead. It took only two seconds for him to rest his head on my hand... and it was done.

I've got his collar and some clips of his hair... and the memories of each and every moment we spent together. He was my mainstay for over 12 years.... my God and my Dog are the only things that got me through so many hard times.... only God knows what holds in store for me now.

Gidget is here with me, and for as much as a pain as she could be, I'm very grateful for her. She really seems to have matured a lot since he's been sick. The entire time I was sitting on the floor next to the bed petting him this morning, she just laid there watching us. She know. And I know she's going to miss him horribly... especially when she gets up in the morning and runs in the bedroom to give him wake up whisker kisses, and when she goes to try to get him to follow her when she wants to go outside.

It's been really hard to type this with the tears flowing. I'll write more later when I can. It may be awhile, but thank you all so much for all of the love you've shown my boy over the last (almost) two years. God Bless Each And Every One of You!

Love & Blessings,
Joanna, Angel Mike, and Gidget


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Debbie & Jack said...

I love you and I am there with you. Wish I could do something but you know how I feel about you and Mike. God bless him and you too.

love and hugs
Debbie and Jack

April 16, 2009 3:50 PM

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Debs said...

I'm thinking of you Joanna, and I know your pain. Mike will always be in your heart, never forget that and he will be waiting for you at the bridge.

I've asked Spike and Bear to look out for him when he arrives.

Much love to you.
April 16, 2009 12:59 PM


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I'm thinking of you Joanna, and I know your pain. Mike will always be in your heart, never forget that and he will be waiting for you at the bridge.

I've asked Spike and Bear to look out for him when he arrives.

Much love to you.

April 16, 2009 12:59 PM

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Amy Nadolski said...

Hi Joanna! I'm so sorry to hear about Mike. I feel like I know both of you from talking to my mom, Debbie. Animals make our lives whole and I know you must feel a piece of you went with him. I hope you can find peace soon. I'm sorry I was never able to meet Mike in person. Take care!
Amy Nadolski

April 16, 2009 6:22 PM

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Michelle, Sydney & Charlie said...

Oh sweetheart ! He has had a beautiful life with you. God Speed mike, we all love you and will miss you. Look for the big black lab named Brittany, she'll look over you :') XOXOXOXOXO Joanne & Gidget. We love you!
Michelle & Sydney (Charlie too)

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Cindy, Tucker & Justice said...

I am just heartbroken for u Jo.
I just got home and "splight" had left a VM for me telling me what would be happening. So, I didn't know until now. But, u both were on my mind all day, I talked abt u and Mike to a few friends, and how worried I was. I sent up many prayers--so I guess I was really with u.
You were/are an amazing mom to Mike (and Gidge). Mike would never have survived without the care u gave him. Many would have euth him as soon as there were accidents in the house. You made a decision that was unselfish, and a gift to Mike.
I am just so very very sorry.
Love and hugs,
Cindy, Tucker and Justice

April 16, 2009 7:42 PM