9:40 p.m. Update:
Mike slept almost all day. Again, I had to almost force him to go out. He just didn't want to be bothered. The good news is that he ate really well today. I am so very thankful for that. He had his pbj this morning and baked potato with cheese around 5:00. Just a little while ago he had another pbj with his pills. Thank God he's eating.

I need to add a plea on here. Yesterday (or day before, I don't remember), I mentioned a sweet little Chihuahua that needs surgery to live. It is truly a life and death situation, and even though the vet says she could stay on medication for up to three weeks, her Mom, Donna, doesn't believe that Taffy will live that long. Her situation is dire. Please, everyone check out her blog, and if you can donate, that would be wonderful... if not, send her your prayers and pass the word and the link to everyone you know. Thank you so much. Here is the link to Taffy's blog http://donnr11.blogspot.com/

I Pray You All Have A Wonderful Night.

*****

My Dear Sweet Debs (Debbie & Debby)...

You have no idea how much you two mean to me. I could never get through any of this if I didn't know you were here for me. Thank you both (and so many others who have shown so much love) for your support.

I Love You Very Much

Debby said...

Oh Joanna, my heart is breaking for you. What you are going thru is the same thing I went thru with Bear. Trying to imagine life without him. I chose not to get another dog before Bear left, and I did it because I wanted to give him all of my attention. But when he was gone it was the worst thing in the world to be alone. That is one thing you won't have to go thru, you will have beautiful Gidget to help you get thru the loss of Mike.

I think that when you are petting Gidget and Mike is watching you, he's not sad at all, he is happy that you have another one to give you love and support, because even when Mike is having a bad day and doesn't want to be bothered you have Gidget to keep you company. Your not neglecting Mike at all by paying attention to Gidget, he's training Gidget for you to take over when he is gone.

I too pray that this will pass and you can again report what a great day Mike is having. But if this doesn't happen, know that you have and are doing your very best for Mike and actually that is all they require us to do. Our very best. you have gone above and beyond what a lot of people would have done for their dogs. You are a wonderful mom to both Mike and Gidget and you should be proud of yourself, I know I am very proud of you.

Happy 9month Birthday Gidget I hope you have a wonderful day.

Love and hugs to you, Mike and Gidget

June 7, 2008 9:46 AM

Debbie and Jack said...

Dearest Joanna,
It is tearing me up to think of what you are going through. When my Caesar got older, I went through the same thing. That is when Roscoe who is not 13 came into my life as a rescue. I felt so guilty for dividing my time between them, but like you I know that Caesar adored Roscoe and it made his last two years so much happier and more vibrant than they would have been. When Caesar passed, it was two years before I could let another Husky into my heart. I was so sure there would never be another like him. Well, there never has, but my Jack has filled my life with such love and everyone remarks how like Caesar he is.

You have given so much to me and Jack and a lot of others that you truly deserve the best. You opened up your home to little Katie who would have been who knows where by now and living what kind of life. I can tell by the pictures how close he and Katie are. That is a precious thing to Mike for I believe that dogs being pack animals are social creatures and you have given Mike the comfort of one of his own who understands how to "talk" to him.

Don't you ever feel bad about anything. You are the best.

Love and Husky hugs,
Debbie and jack

ps Happy Birthday, dear Gidget, I mean Katie, Happy Birthday to you.

June 7, 2008 10:34 AM

*****

It seems so long ago that my sweet boy had a wonderful day. Those days are getting fewer and farther between. I wish he would just bounce back and have some great days again like he has in the past, but I'm really afraid it's not going to be that way anymore. I pray that I'm wrong, but the reality of the future is setting in.

He slept a lot again yesterday and didn't want to be bothered at all by his sister. Every time she got close, he growled to send her away. She didn't understand... it was so sad, but he just didn't feel good. He wouldn't eat his chicken the night before last, but yesterday morning I was able to get him to eat a half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Thank God for PBJ. Then, last night, I didn't know what to fix him to eat, so I decided to try a baked potato. I wasn't quite sure if he would eat it plain and dry, and I didn't want to put butter on it, so I loaded it with shredded cheese and let the cheese melt. I know it wasn't the best thing for him, but he loved it and was able to eat the entire thing. At least he ate. I love watching him eat... to me, his eating is a true gift. He's looking so thin lately that I just want to stuff him with anything and everything I can to get him to be overweight again... or at least normal looking.

He's having more and more of these days lately. It just seems like he should have bounced back by now. Last Saturday (an entire week ago) was his last really good day, and the 3rd (4 days ago) was his last decent day. I hate to say this... I really don't think my baby will be with me much longer. I've felt this way for a long time, but the other night it really hit me hard, and the reality of his illness flooded me like a bursting dam. All I could think about was how picky he's become about eating (and again, mostly just eating what I feed him by hand), looking like he's lost weight, the loss of bladder so many times a day, dripping... it's coming to an end ... i can just feel it... and sometimes, just the way he will just sit there and stare at me with a sad far away look... And so many times when the puppy is playing.. he just looks at her, with a wishful look in his eyes.. like "I think I use to be like that.. I want to be again"... I just look at him, and my eyes begin to fill with tears.

I have to admit something though... I've realized that I've really stopped myself from bonding with Gidget... it feels like I'm being unfaithful to Mike if I pay too much attention to her. I know it sounds stupid.. but sometimes when she jumps on my lap, and I pet her.. he just lays there watching me.. and I can't help but cry. Don't get me wrong... I really love that little girl, and I'm sure she knows it... I just can't stop myself from feeling guilty when I give her the extra attention she needs... after all, she's just a puppy and needs more play time and nurturing than an older dog. I know in my heart that if Mike were healthy, I wouldn't have a problem with this, but the way it is... Mike really needs me now... so much. I try not to feel guilty about this, because I "think" it might be a natural thing to feel this way (I hope so)... and I will have more than enough time with sweet Gidget after Mike has left us.

I mentioned all this to Debs, and she said that Mike and Gidget have a good relationship, and she is sure that he's glad I have her so I won't be alone when he's gone... and another of Mike's Craig's List friends told me that his beautiful Irish Setter, Kelly, who recently left for the Rainbow Bridge (also with cancer) waited until he had bonded with a new puppy (also an Irish) before she left him. They both could be right... but that doesn't make it any easier thinking about losing my main man. I just love him so very much. I can't imagine life without him. He's been a part of me for so long... a big part... part of my heart, my soul, my entire existence. He's been my world.

No matter how hard it is right now for me to give little Gidget all she so wonderfully deserves, I will never regret getting her and bringing her into our little family. She has made me laugh, kept me on my toes, and more importantly, she has brought a spark back in to Mike that I hadn't seen in years. He loves her so much (as long as she doesn't jump on him when he's sleeping). I do believe, also, that because of her, he has been with me longer than he might have been. I know he's sad when he watches her play now and doesn't have the energy to play with her, but I also know when he does get a spurt of energy, the first thing he will do is tease her and get her to play tug with him or just try to get her to run around him... he loves that. He wouldn't have anyone to do that with if she weren't here.

When Mike is gone... I know Gidget will be here. She could never replace Mike.. there's never been a handsome, wonderful guy like him before and never will be... but... at least I'll be able to know that Mike got to know her and love her. She will be part of him that he leaves behind for me.

Oh my God... this is such a sad post.. I'm sitting here bawling my head off. I probably should just delete the entire thing and start over... but... I won't. I've created this blog so everyone who loves him could keep an update on my sweet boy, and you all deserve to know the truth about what's going on. I pray so hard that all this will pass... that in a day or two, I'll be able to go back to saying what a wonderful day he has had... that the bad days are over again. Who knows.. maybe I will be able to say that... maybe everything I'm seeing and feeling right now will pass in just a few hours or days... maybe God will allow my boy to look and be healthy again... even if it's only for a short time. I hope so.

I Love You All. God Bless You.

P.S. Gidget is 9 months old today. Happy Birthday Sweet Gidgie Goo