Sunday, October 11, 2009
I was just cleaning out my e-mail Inbox this morning. I have no idea "why" I don't delete things as I read them... guess I'm an e-mail pack rat. LOL So instead of deleting as I should, it takes an hour (or more) to delete them when I have over eight hundred in there. It's quite a chore. However... before I delete, I have to make sure it's something I don't want to save. A few minutes ago...
I had gotten April's e-mails... specifically on and after April 16th... the day my boy had to leave me. I had blogged about that day, put the events of his leaving on FaceBook, sent out individual e-mails and sent a group letter to Mike's long list of supporters whom I met through Craig's List and a number of other places. When I got to the e-mails that everyone had sent me on that day (and afterwards), I re-read them, and I knew that in no way could I delete them. They touch me so much, and again, made me cry... not only because I still miss him so much, but also to know that so many people out there. that I have never met, had such love and compassion for him. It's so odd, that "strangers" can care so much. That their hearts can be felt through a screen on a desk. I read each and every e-mail over again with tears in my eyes... I could feel that each one was written and sent with love. How wonderful is that?
Friday will be the 16th... six months since my baby left me. I miss him so much. Oh how I wish I could go back in time and hold him one more time... feel his nose kisses on my nose... have him greet me at the door... to have him run excitedly when I ask him if he wants to go for a ride... to walk with him by the lake at sunset like we did so often... to play tug with him and his Westie baby. Oh my God... I just miss him so much. He was such a part of me. I still feel like my heart has been ripped out.
Don't get me wrong.. Gidget is wonderful. But she's not Mike. Mike was such a comfort to me in so many ways. We would go down to the lake at least once or twice a week every chance I got and just spend quiet time together. I haven't been to the lake since he's been gone. I probably should have taken Gidget there, but she's so active and yippy, that it would have ruined the memory of the wonderful experiences that Mike and I had there.
I'm sorry to sound like a downer. I'm really all right... it's just that reading all those wonderful e-mails brought back memories of my Mike... My Buddy, My Pal, My Friend, My Love.
Thanks for understanding.
I hope everyone is doing great.
Much Love and Blessings To All