Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Two Months Ago Today....
Well... it's been two months since my boy left me. I wish I could say it's getting easier to live without him, but in all honesty, it's even harder. I feel like my right arm was torn off and flung into the ocean or something. I know how hard death can be on the loved ones left behind... I've been through that more than I'd like to remember, but for some reason, my Mike leaving really tore a hole from my heart. I just have to keep remembering how blessed I was to have him at all and especially for the length of time we were together.
I read something in an e-mail once where a little boy answered the question as to why dogs die sooner than humans do. He said, "God put us here to learn to love and share that love, and dogs learn that much faster than humans do, so their job is over earlier, and God calls them back to Him when they've finished." It makes so much sense. Why can't humans love like dogs do? Dogs love unconditionally, without judgment, without limits and never ending. What a beautiful world this would be if we would all live with the heart, soul and attitude of a dog.
It's another beautiful day here. It's been in the 70's all week with low humidity... this is probably the only kind of weather you will never hear me complain about. I think it's suppose to remain like this the rest of the week. I'd love to take Miss Gidget for a walk, and I've been able to walk her half way to the end of the property lately but not for a "real" walk. Maybe today... maybe tomorrow. At least I was able to go to church Sunday. Getting in to church (through the parking lot) was fine, but after church was difficult getting back to the car. It's hell getting old.
I've been kind of bummed lately, because of the lack of work. No work, no money. My Social Security and (small) pension check didn't go far this month... I made the mistake of overspending when Chris was here. We weren't home very much and ate out almost the entire time he was here. I didn't want him to pay for every meal so I insisted on paying for some of them. We agreed to alternate paying. I knew I was messing up by doing it, and of course didn't tell him I was going to be short by the middle of the month, but I felt good that he didn't have to foot the entire weekend of food. I know he could afford it much more than I could, but I was glad that he allowed me to do this. He's worked so hard to get where he is. He put himself through college all the way up and including his Masters, and I was unable to help with his schooling at all. I figured that this was the least I could do... especially since the time we spent together was so well worth every penny and more. He paid for everything else... the movies we went to (2 of them), pizza, gas in my car, 2 Brita filters, some groceries and the more expensive restaurants that we went to. The thing is... as much as I need the money right now... I wouldn't sell back that time with him for a million dollars. He called me last night to check up on me... just the sound of his voice makes me smile.
Gonna get going and start taking advantage of this beautiful day. I was wishing Mike's tulips were still in bloom, but I suppose I'll have to wait until Spring to see them again... the same as I will have to wait to get to Heaven to see him.
I hope everyone has a beautiful, happy and healthy day.
Love & Blessings,
Jo, Angel Mike & Gidget