Tuesday, June 23, 2009
I was having a really tough day yesterday... couldn't figure out what wa wrong with me. I'm sure the fact that there was no work for me had a big part in it but not enough to make me as bad as I was. I went the entire day with absolutely no motivation at all. I had to force myself to even make toast when I got really hungry. Everything was an effort. I tried reading... couldn't comprehend even one sentence at a time. Tried to listen to a cd from a conference I had gone to, and all the words seemed garbled. Tried to watch tv, and it made me nauseous. And of course, nothing got done around here. Around 5:30 I MADE myself put Gidget in the car, and we went for a ride to the lake where Mike and I always use to go to watch the sunset. You don't have to walk there since the parking area is right by the lake, and you can just sit and watch the waves hit the shore. It's really beautiful there. We only stayed around 20 minutes though, and then we went to my daughter's house for a little while so Gidget could meet Scrappy (that was a trip).
Anyway.. it wasn't until I got home and started getting ready for my shower that I FINALLY realized what had been bothering me. Yesterday was 19 years ago that my Mom was in a coma. Of course, I remembered the day before (the 21st) that this was the day her aneurysm burst, and even though it's a sad time, I've learned over the years to deal with it. But yesterday, for some reason, I hadn't thought of time past. However, my sub-concious took over for me and was dwelling on it all day. I wish I had thought of that earlier in the day... I would have been able to deal with it better. Today (the 23rd) is the day she went Home to Jesus. It's just unbelievable how fast time goes by. I can remember every single moment of those three days. Mom was the best friend I ever had. My entire life we were as close as any mother/daughter could be. In the earlier years after her death, there were times I couldn't function or go to work on the anniversary of her death, but as time went on, I learned to deal with it and get on with my life. But yesterday... because it seemed buried in the sub-concious, I guess my mind thought I wouldn't able to deal with it again... I wish my sub-concious had asked me... I would have told it, I'll be fine with it... much better than not dealing with it and being a lump all day. Well... life goes on, and I will too. At 1:00 today, I'll remember Mom passing, and I'll tell her I love her again, but then I'll go on with my day.
Ok.. on to something that will make you laugh. As I said.. yesterday I took Gidget over Michelle's and let her meet Scrappy for the first time. WELLLLLLLLL... Miss Bitchet (my new name for her sometimes) decided she was immediately going to show Scrappy that SHE was the Alpha in Scrappy's house. Oh my gosh... it was a hoot. They first met while still on leashes outside, so it was pretty natural for them to both bark at each other... especially Scrappy because it was HIS territory. But Miss Bitchet didn't want to stop even after Scrappy backed off. Eventually, after we had been in the house for awhile and Scrappy was lose in his domain again, I allowed Bitchet to move around further and further on the retractable leash. She was fine for awhile and wandered through the house, checking things out. Scrappy was laying between the couch and the coffee table, not wanting to be bothered, and Miss Bitchet demanded attention from him by going right up to his nose and yipping in his face. Any time Scrappy went someplace else in the apartment, she would follow him, and then again, yip in his face or try to herd him where she wanted him to be. She was being such a diva ... demanding attention and respect from him every moment. What a brat. I'm sure if they were in a fenced yard, they would have been running around and playing like old friends, but being restrained (and knowing she could bully Scrappy) she was just being bitchy. I wish she'd learn to behave herself... I swear, I try not to compare her to Mike, because she's nothing like him, but I wish (in this case) she'd be more like him.
Hi Jo, It has been 1 1/2 years since my CJ left me and I still have periods of hurting bad. Sometimes I catch myself calling Dexter "CJ"!
I am glad that the meds are helping. Thanks to Dexter, I am forced to walk and try to go a bit farther (hasn't happened for awhile though)every few days. I am still in constant pain but not stiff like I am in the winter.
Alex, I couldn't help but laugh when you said you were feeling "old" because of falling off the skateboard! I have no idea how old you are but my gosh you are a brave woman and I agree with Jo, you should feel young attempting that sort of sport!!!
June 23, 2009 8:00 AM
Ok, after reading about the time you had together with your son, I am in tears. I am so glad that you have a good relationship with your son. Having no family at all (except for my son)it is nice to hear when families are close.
PS I bet that your son now knows about you monetary situation!!!LOL If he follows your blog!
Hugs, luv ya,
Hey Cynthia... The legs are acting up again. I wasn't even able to walk to the back of the property yesterday. Got half way back and had to turn around. It was really hard getting back to the patio to sit down.
I had to giggle too when Alex talked about aging. I think she's in her late 20's, and she's cute as a button. You can see her picture on my friends on FaceBook. She's a doll baby. She's had a hard life, and I just thank God that things have turned around for her and she now has found the happiness that she deserves.
Well all.. I "finally" will have a few hours of work today, so I'm gonna get going. I'm posting a pic of Scrappy on here so you can see the adorable pup that Bitchet went after. Actually, Michelle got a great pic of her going after Scrappy... it looks like she's yelling at him. When she e-mails it, I'll post it.
Hope everyone has a wonderful day.
Love & Blessings