Sunday Update

This is so unbelievably hard. Short of a real miracle, I think I'm getting to the end of my time with my best friend in the entire world. I'm having a hard time writing this because I'm crying so hard, and my heart breaks more and more every time I look at him.

The only good sign we've had today, and I don't know if it's really a "good" sign or not, is that he's been barking all day... at every little thing. I thank God he has the strength and determination to bark, and even though I thank him for protecting me from (whatever), my thoughts are that his barking is something he wants to leave behind for me. I've recorded it so I could never forget what he sounds like. He's got such a healthy, manly bark.. not like a "yip yip" dog as my son would call small dogs.

He vomited bile only one time more today. I'm praying it's over with now. But... worse... he lost his bladder in the house. He's still constipated and having a hard time going. He's been sleeping alot and is totally uninterested in the puppy.

I was watching a movie a while ago and caught him looking at me... so sad. I knew he wanted me to sit with him. I got on the floor and started loving him. He laid down on his side and nuzzled his nose under my knee. We sat there for the longest time... my telling him how much I love him and how he's been the best friend I've had in my entire life. I told him I don't want him to leave me, but we both know he will have to. I told him that soon he will be with Daddy, and if Daddy isn't with Jesus, please lead him to Him so I know they will both be together. I have no idea how long we stayed like that... him on his side, me petting him and crying over him.

During all this, Katie was playing with Mike's westie baby and never paid much attention to us until I started crying. Then she came and licked my face and nuzzled her nose behind his ear. He didn't even mind.

Judy, Paula, Cindy... thank you so very much for posting here. It makes me feel as though I'm still a part of everyone. I'll answer you all tomorrow.. I can't do it now.

I can't write anymore. I can't even look for a picture to put on here this time. I'm going to the store to get a camera... I can't let him leave me without more pictures.